...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
