already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
