Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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