hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize