Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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