I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
