I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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