he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
