a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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