wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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