So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
