When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BRING THE BAGELS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
