When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
