I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
