i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
