I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
