dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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