I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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