Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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