i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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