my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There are leaves in my underwear?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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