Need sex. Gaining weight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
