Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
