TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
