I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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