no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
