He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
