I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
