Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
