I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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