You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
