honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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