i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
