I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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