I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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