my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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