i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
