Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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