okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
