Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
