I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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