I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
