In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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