Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
