I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
