On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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