it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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