im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
