he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize