I'm really into asian looking animals
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
