You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
