Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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