I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
