And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
