So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
