i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i out mim tonsoeep
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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