oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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