BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
