i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
