A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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