Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
