Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You need a sexual gate keeper
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
