Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
