Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
