I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Never underestimate the power of titties
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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