So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
