you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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