i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
