my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
