You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
