The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
