the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
