just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
