the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
