i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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