wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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