I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
